Let's just be blunt about this here - Depression is random. This is why it is an illness and just like other illnesses it can be controlled but at the same time I don't control it. (Ok, that went from blunt to confusing.) However, before, during, and after the fact you can always see where it all went wrong, what little things added up to bring it all about. It does seem like I never learn and I fall into the same traps every time, but well, yes, I have no excuse here I don't seem to learn and I do fall into the same traps. But, here we go again, this is what I'm going to do to try to fix it:
-Drinking, I have planned out my alcohol for the rest of the month and I will have one Gin & Tonic at the British side of the family's Christmas and I will drink on New Years Eve in New Orleans but sadly that is it. I will have to stay dry during Taylor's visit, while I'm visiting in Ottawa, and for the rest of my Christmas celebrations.
-Exercise, I ran today, even though it was bloody cold, and it felt good. I'm going to start doing Zumba with Kristen and other things at least 3 times a week. I will have to figure out a more solid fitness regime for the new year.
-Sleep, sadly I am going to try to stop napping. I have been pretty good about this and while I still have a myriad of other 'escapes' I have been pretty good about staying away from my bed once I get out of it. I need to get into better sleep patterns though because I am staying up way to late and sleeping in far to long.
-Doctor, I have yet to get a new physician and/or psychiatrist in Toronto. I started the process but it got delayed with trying to transfer my files from Ottawa and I gave up. I'm going to call tomorrow and set up an appointment as soon as possible, I'm also running out of my prescriptions soon so I am in dire need of sorting this out.
-Silence, I walked away from the whole idea of Depression for the last little while. I didn't talk about it to anyone on my trip and I don't talk about it to people in Toronto. I used to be very open about it but lately I just have been pretending it isn't there. I would wake up in the morning take my meds and then ignore anything and everything else. I have to stop hiding it so much. So these posts are a start at that, putting it out there to the internet again.